my great grandmother is gone. =((
i didnt get to see her catch her last breath. but i did get to see her in the hospital after she left. she didnt look good at all. it took me less than 1 second upon looking at her to cry. i cried even more as i touched her and said goodbye to her. those words were so difficult to say. i wanted to hug her badly. but i didnt.

im having mixed feelings. im sad that i wont be able to see my great grandmother anymore and listen to her tell stories. i'll miss visiting her, especially during chinese new year, wearing our nice new clothes. i'll miss calling her and watch her smile at me to acknowledge. and see her smile even when she doesnt know what we're talking about. i will miss everything about her.
but at the same time, im glad that her suffering is over. she doesnt have to use every bit of energy left in her to breathe just to survive, and be unable to chew and to rely on the tube to feed her. yes i do remember that she has lived a fulfilling life. and im happy for her.

i may not be that close to her, but i still feel attached to her. sunday will be the day that i will not be looking forward to. =(( it'll be one sad day.